In Sahaja Yoga we are going to break all the barriers which make religions and people separate. All fanatical nonsense, old ideas which have propped up to make money out of religion, all these we are going to completely abolish and make one religion for all the humanity, which is Religion of God, the Religion of our Evolution. May God bless you all."

Shri Dhanadhyaksa Shri Nirmala Devi
Rahuri, Inida — January 1, 1981

"Now, first thing we have to know that this marriage ceremony that we have organized with a purpose, the first purpose is that we regard marriage is very essential for Sahaja Yoga. If somebody doesn't want to marry (celibate), we say, "All right. You get out of Sahaja Yoga." Now why marriage is important because a marriage is like a big Agnya, is like a big tapasya (penance), you can call it, or is a great experience; how to achieve balance, how to become a witness and how to become the spirit. It's very important.

Now the first and foremost thing where you have to know, that he is your husband and nobody else is your husband. Nobody is more important than he is. See, men are very easy to be controlled. If you can make them feel they're the most important people for you, then you can manage them very well. But the first, foremost ambition should be or the idea should be that "I'll make my married life extremely happy." Because if the married life is happy, you'll be happy. Now men have a habit of sometimes losing temper. Doesn't matter, that's their habit. So you shouldn't immediately become the same type, but you can little bit, in a womanly way, try to put your sweet device of smiling it or laughing it out or little bit showing it nice somehow, but not to make it serious. It's very important.

So how to handle the men, specially your husbands, is an art and that art you'll achieve gradually when you start seeing. But if you start finding faults with the men and start saying, "You can't do this. You can't do this. You don't know how to drive or how to do this", all those things, then you are finished. You must say, "You are the best driver. You are the best." That's the way you have to deal with them. But not that you're befooling them because you say this because you love and love is the basis between you and him, nothing else, not money, not what you have got for him or he has brought for you, nothing of the kind. All these things are not materialistic. They have nothing to do with matter. Love is something which you can express also through matter sometimes by giving some nice presents or nice food or something, but the most important thing is your heart. You should not cheat in any way, you should not be hypocritical, and you should not try to do something that is not pure.

So in Sahaja Yoga the purpose of these marriages is to have you connected internationally so you all transcend all the barriers of your nationality, barriers of racialism, barriers of caste, barriers of so much of materialism. So you should not compare your husband with anyone. He's your husband. And you shouldn't expect too much from him. "He has not given me this. He has not done that for me. He is like this." Is not necessary. You must always think, "What I have done for him?" Also, "What's wrong with me?"

Now some people specially in the West is very common that after marriage they think they have to work out marriages. No working out. You see like they think that as you work out your kitchen or work out your thing it's not like that. It's spontaneously between the two human beings who are Realized souls. It's not that you're working out anything, but spontaneously you are going to enjoy. Spontaneously.

Now, if you become extremely critical and try to show you're very brilliant and this, it's not going to work out. To be humble. Keep quiet. Those who are really intelligent always keep quiet and watch things, but those who are not are bumptious. The more you are in Sahaja Yoga, the more you'll be respected by him and by everybody else.

Apart from that, there are so many saints who want to be born. Once you have a very happy married life among yourselves, those saints will be born to you and it will be such a blessing and joyful. So try to understand not to boss your husband or try to put him right or do things and in a very I've seen some ladies who are extremely tense, very tense type. They can never give Joy. They are themselves not in Joy. How can they give Joy? So the tension should not be there, at all, of any kind. Be relaxed. You are the other side of Sahaja Yoga which gives Peace, Joy, nourishment and also complete tranquility. In the family you are responsible for tranquility. Even if husband is angry, children are fighting, if The Mother is tranquil, you can control all the situation. So the situation has to be controlled in a way that you make life happy for everyone.

Sometimes women feel very angry when I tell them that first feed your children, your husband and then you eat yourself because that is the job of a woman. Like a man should go earn living, do what he wants to do, job and all that, but the woman has to really look after the husband, look after the family, look after everything.

Also, you'll find our Indian husbands not so good as far as the gardening is concerned or, you can say, they don't know how to mend anything like cars or your plumbing. They don't know. So it doesn't matter. Take it easy. Gradually, they'll pick up and they'll learn and they'll do it, but don't become impatient with them. Just make fun of it, you see. Just make fun. That's the best way to manage it and that don't expect too much that they will do this nicely. Sometimes they cannot clean the utensils properly. They don't know how to do it. So, all right, just make fun of it and just enjoy it.

Because they have no, you see in England or America, I've seen anywhere, they have no servants at all, while we have servants here, so all these boys are spoiled by the servants, so they are absolutely good for nothing as far as these things are concerned, but, if you just try to teach them and help them, they will definitely go all out to do it. So the only thing you have to do is to love them with a clear heart and all the time forgive and let them know that, "The only one I have in the whole world apart from the Holy Mother."

Of course, I am not against divorce, but I'm not for it in the sense that I don't like people when they divorce, but when things are impossible and difficult and one has to go in for such a thing. Doesn't matter. Sometimes one has to do it, but it should be very rare. One should not think of a divorce at all. People think of divorce in the West mostly because of the laws, because the wife gets the money or the husband gets the money. But in Sahaja Yoga if you are married, all these things, even if you are divorced, I will not support.

Moreover, another thing is that the wives should not take money from the husband and send it to her relations. Never. It's a very, very wrong thing is to support your family through the money of their husband. Absolutely not allowed. That should not be done. They you should not put the pressure of your family on your husband. You see, there has to be a clear-cut understanding for all of you, that you will not take you must keep your self-respect. Don't ask for anything. If he gives you anything, well and good, but don't ask, don't demand. That means you're not a Sahaja Yogi. If you are a satisfied soul, why should you ask for anything? Or somebody gets something, "She has got this. She has", Nothing of the kind. You be satisfied people. And this is how some girls nag their husbands very much.

Most important thing is that you should not talk about your past at all because past is finished. Now you're Sahaja Yogis. You are all Realized souls. So, you don't have to say a word about your past. Even if husband starts talking, you just stop and tell him, "We are to live in the present. Don't tell us about your past." I don't know why people think that they will look more attractive if they talk about all the past nonsense they did or to say that, "My mother was so bad," all psychological nonsense. Not to put your parents into jeopardy by saying, "They're very bad. They're no good," this, that. Just forget the past and live in the present because in the present resides the Reality and the Reality is the Ocean of Joy.

You should not nag him for anything. Supposing he doesn't like something, you shouldn't do it. Whatever he doesn't like, small things. You know, like I was married in a family which was culturally very different. Very different. And they don't wear flowers, you see, and in India all the married ladies — I mean down south I'm saying — in my community all wear all garlands around their buns and things is always done. So my husband said, "No, better not do it because, you know, here in our community, only bad women wear that to attract men." Since that day I have never worn it. It doesn't matter. Not important.

So also you must understand now you have to take to the style of life of your husband. He's fond of entertaining, look after that. Women should be entertaining. They should look after they should not mind if somebody comes to stay with them or lives with them or they should not try to show. On the contrary, they should be happy they are able to look after someone who is a Sahaja Yogi. So, for the Sahaja Yogis, you must keep always your heart open, your house open.

There are so many things which I would like to tell you, but, in this short time, I have to just say that it is the responsibility of the women to make their marriages happy. Depends on their intelligence and on their dedication to Sahaja Yoga. It's your responsibility and if you see in a wider sense the responsibility of making a good society is that of a woman. Even if she has to suffer, she can. She's like this Mother Earth, she can suffer it. She never feels she suffers. She's so great. You're Shaktis. So, as Shaktis, you should have to suffer, you don't mind. And what you have to feel is that, "We are responsible for making our Sahaja Yoga society a perfect society. That's our responsibility." All your greed, all your ambitions, everything should be directed towards making a very, very happy married life. I wish, I wish all of you a very happy and prosperous married life."

Shri Chatuhsasti-Kalamaya Shri Nirmala Devi
Talk to Brides, Ganapatipule, India — December 28, 1993

"Sahaja Yoga is first to start your germination, then it grows. In that growth you have to become a wider personality and a wider personality. With a marriage you become even a better person, or you develop a better personality. Now, why marriage is necessary for Sahaja Yogis? First and foremost thing, it is the most normal thing to do, is to marry. God has given you this desire to be married for some purpose, but this same desire if you do not use it for the purpose it is given, it can become a perversion, it can become a nasty thing, it can be very detrimental to your growth; so one should understand this desire within us to have a marriage. Marriage means, wife who is a part and parcel of your being, a wife on whom you can depend; she's your mother, she's your sister, she's your child, she's everything; you share all your feelings with your wife; so it is important that the wife should be such that she should understand that this is the need of a marriage.

Now in Sahaja Yoga, as you have seen, all of you have problems either of the left, or of the right. Now when these marriages will take place, mostly spontaneously it will happen, by Nature's Plan itself, that you will marry a person who is a complementary personality to you. Because supposing you are a left sided person, and if you have a person who has a left side which is very strong, it will compensate, and that's how you will make a good marriage.

But, for that, one thing is very important, that you must share. You must share life, every moment of it, every bit of it. If you do not know how to share life it's going to be very difficult. When it comes to love, how do we express our love? — by sharing all our joys, all our pains, all our problems. But in Sahaja Yoga it is a little more, I think quite a lot more, much more. Here you have to share the community, the marriage is not for individuals in Sahaja Yoga, not at all. If anybody has a feeling a marriage in Sahaja Yoga is between two people is a wrong thing; it is two communities, it can be two Nations, it can be completely two Universes. So it is not to be enjoyed between yourself.

If you are good husband wife to each other, it is not sufficient in Sahaja Yoga. That Love should be enjoyed by every one else in the society, in the community. If you cannot do that then you have not achieved Sahaja Yoga marriage, it is just an ordinary marriage as people have, it's just that. There's nothing special about it. Such marriages should be able to give chances for very great souls to come on this Earth. A person who is married in Sahaja Yoga, who are Sahaja Yogis, who are sharing their Love equally with the Sahaja Yogis and the society that is Sahaja Yoga, then only great people will be born... .

So first test of a Sahaja Yogi marriage is how much you have been able to share by this marriage other people. Now for example in a normal marriage man is the person who is the head of the family, as you say. Now he has to be the head, the man has to be the head, for certain reasons. There is nothing wrong in man becoming the head, it's alright, you become the heart. Heart is more important than the head is. Perhaps we do not realise that, how heart is important; you see even if the head fails the heart can go on. We can always go on up till the heart is going on, but if the heart fails, the head fails too. So you are the heart as a woman and he is the head of the family. Let him have that feeling that he is the head; it is a feeling, just a feeling. Like the head always feels he decides, but the brain also knows that it is the heart one has to cater, it is the heart which is All-Pervading, is the real Source of everything. So the woman's position, if she understands how important it is, she would never feel let down or dominated, if she knows she is the heart. I think this is the point people, women especially, in the West, have lost and have forgotten and have not realised. If they had realised this point there would have been much less problem.

Now see it is not the way people think they control others, or dominate others or sort of try to suppress them. It is not that way. It is heart which really governs everything. Heart rules out everything else, it is heart which has got the Power to envelop the brain, to soothe it. Brain is a headache, you know; it works, works, like mad. But heart is the one which really covers the body with its Love and can soothe, can give it joy and happiness. It is the heart which contains the Spirit. So heart is a very important thing, which is the power of the body, like ultimately you have to become the Spirit, which is in the heart.

With brain you notice, and that's why man has to become the head, he has to go out, he has to work, he has to deal with people, he is an extrovert as you call it; and a woman has to work sometimes, if there's difficulties and troubles are. But the woman should not feel dominated if the man says, "Alright you don't work." But if he says it in love! Now, if the brain starts dominating the heart too much, what will happen? Then, there will be dryness. You see, like many men are very meticulous, very particular — they are headaches, absolute headaches to themselves, to others, and to the whole society. Such people can become extremely dry and they can be all the time, you see, like they can never enjoy their wives, they cannot enjoy their children, they cannot enjoy anything whatsoever because you see they are so particular... .

Now domination should never come in Sahaja Yoga at all. For example when I am telling you anything an outsider might think that I am dominating you, because really I am touching very sore points within you, if you see it clearly. (It is there putting the left side too much, you are all feeling guilt, that's not good, come along.) So the — this is also an escape, you see, that you start feeling guilty and then you just don't cure yourself. Just don't feel guilty about anything. You see I am just telling you this because I have to tell you. Now one can feel that this is domination if they do not see the Love behind it, the Beauty behind it, the Compassion there. So never to feel that anybody dominates you it is the best way. You see, how can you be dominated? You are the spirit. Your ego can be hurt; you are the spirit, it cannot be dominated. But you are the spirit. Are you feeling your Spirit? If you are feeling your Spirit you can never be dominated, no one can dominate you. But if you feel that way all the time, that you are dominated, you will become a very very nervous person, you can be a horrible person, you cannot face people. So it is time that you realised you are Spirit and your husband is also Spirit; or if you are the husband you must know the wife also is Spirit.

And a mutual respect must grow in that level because both of you are Saints, you are Sahaja Yogis. You must respect each other, because you are Sahaja Yogis. Everybody respects you because you are Sahaja Yogis, who have achieved Self-Realization, "Ah, they are realised Souls." Just think that. When you were not realised somebody tells you he is a realised Soul, how you would have felt about that person? You are not conscious of that. But you should be conscious. By that you should not become vain, but you must respect others, those who are realised souls. They're the children of your Mother. When talking to each other you have to understand that; more so when you are husband and wife."

Shri Vipra-priya Shri Nirmlala Devi
The Value Of Marriage, Dollis Hill, London — March 8, 1980

"Now, this in the West. Now, the women are intelligent and the women of the West being intelligent and educate have developed a kind of a very complex situation around themselves. These things have made them a kind of a man without manliness, and that is why the whole behavior becomes extremely odd. Sometimes I just don't understand but now I have started understanding that the way the women are they want to dominate men. But they don't understand that by dominating you cannot create a good relationship."

Shri Vighna-nasini Shri Nirmala Devi

"But don't make a fuss out of a marriage. Don't create a problem by being superficial about marriage. These are the marriages of Brahmatatwa where one feels the Oneness of the Spirit of the All-Pervading Power. Try to know that these marriages are done amongst saints and not ordinary people. Try to respect the inner quality of the person. If somebody is a Sahaja Yogi of a high quality, that must be respected and that must be loved. And not the outside qualities. The outward qualities are nonsensical. You must respect each other when you marry because you are saints. You are saints of a very high quality."

Shri Pasu-Pasa-Vimochini Shri Nirmala Devi
Bordi, India — February 13, 1984

"Vishwa Nirmala Dharma is not an outside dharma (righteousness) like we are Hindus, Muslims or Christians. It is the Light from within and in this Light a person emerges as a great Light ... One may say that the Rajarajeswari Shakti is moving up in him. She is urging him to distribute the tremendous Shakti he has in him. You cannot count it with money. Rajarajeswari Shakti is the one that looks after everyone everywhere. She gives Benevolence, Peace and Joy to everyone. The same Shakti is within you also. You can take it to the greatest heights ... The woman has always been thought of as embodiment of Shakti ... The woman is the Shakti ... It is an inner Shakti and this Shakti should show in your behaviour and speech."

Shri Sruti-Simanta-Sindhurikrta-Padabjadhulika
 Shri Nirmala Devi
Hydrebad, India — January 21, 1994